Archive Page 2

13
May
16

When sadness seeps in…

 

‘And all I can remember is a cold’

“It’s deep water, driving rain
And all I can remember is a cold”

 

It’s like an invisible dark cloud hovering over your head. Something you refuse to accept, but it never leaves. The dark shadow grows big and then suddenly it engulfs you. You don’t remember when it happened. You don’t remember why it happened…but you’re sad.

Sadness is like that, it will seep in quietly, slowly like an unseen friend. You’d never realize what made those happy moments ruin. What made you cry, what made you angry, feel hopeless. Its an unknown pain which forms a blob in your throat choking you every moment.

Soon everything turned grey. You’re not the same, neither the time.

And you get used to living in the grey, building walls around you to keep yourself protected. You start to believe its better this way in your own quietness…sadness and aloofness. World is not your place and you cannot fake anymore…

Better to stay away…

Pain becomes your gift and you enjoy being in pain and sadness. You’re not a sadist, you know how to smile and be happy. Just forgotten.

But somewhere you feel sadness is better than momentary happiness!!

 

 

 

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19
Apr
16

Perfect red….

In consecutive three murders, police found the same mark…the deep red kiss! They listed her as a serial killer and named “The woman with red lipstick”. In no time, it became

In no time, it became the talk of the town and people banned red colour. She watched the news intently and sighed! She needs to practice more; her work still lacks the professional prowess. Another evening, she dressed

Another evening, she dressed and applied the same red lipstick. She smiled and said, “Red is the colour of passion and fury…when your passion will turn into fury…mine will turn into passion.

red lips isolated in white

red lips isolated in white

12
Apr
16

The proposal….

When she heard his voice, she fell in love deeply. She imagined him day and night in many ways. At last she finally resolved to propose him on Valentine’s Day. After all its leap year and by tradition it is ok for a woman to go down on her knees.

She said to herself…”What can be more wonderful, this chance only arrives once in four years!”

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08
Apr
16

True love takes time…

Seeing all the beautiful bride-groom pictures in the exhibition, her heart filled with joy. She has fallen in love with them and wanted to marry the photographer. As she enquired about him, someone pointed him out in the corner of the room, an old man with a freckled face was sitting quietly.DIY-Paper-Craft-Projects-Home-Decor-Craft-Ideas4

31
Dec
15

Omg! 2016!

 

Yes, another year has passed and you are thinking what you’ve done with all the days. You did what you will be doing tomorrow but when you sit quietly, you realise that everything has changed, you have changed…you’ve aged and have lost innocence, trust and have became a stronger person. That was above your expectation isn’t it?? You’ve not imagined that you could do all these alone…yes yes, 2015 has bid adieu and 2016 is at your doorstep ushering you to join the adventure.

Well, I know what you feel, I feel exactly the same. You plan something and it ends up happening something else. Then you calm your mind and say to yourself that it’s not supposed to happen. Time will pay it price…yes it will, but will it be that exciting as you are now for that. I don’t think so,  I rather lose the charm and feel bit apprehensive about the whole thing. Let it be, bygones are bygones.

Coming to 2016, this is a new year and I am a year older. Previous year has been very crucial for me. It gave me  lot of things and have also taken lot of things. It taught me and has made me more stronger and willful person than before. I can’t complain about the previous year that I only got sadness and hurt myself but it was more than happiness or maybe I lost the charm to appreciate it. On the verge of 2016 I can only say that I waved off lot of things and has surrounded myself with people who actually mean to me. I have chosen Family, friends and well-wishers who actually wish well for me.

I am now a happy person except for the petty tensions, which I can never get rid of. This year has given me new people and also showed me my other side that how blindly I can be fooled and forged to someone’s sweet words and fake love. Somebody can actually use my feelings as bait. I will not do that anymore. I have outgrew myself; I live alone in a new city amongst strangers. I travel alone. Enjoy alone and to be honest I quiet like it. But this is a new year I am expecting a difference like always. It is a leap year this time one day extra and I am hoping with my full heart, I wish to receive that special love for which I have been waiting  and longing for my whole life!!

I wish to happy and wish to see my near and dear ones happy, very simple and yes selfish wish. But what more I can do, I am a simple human I barely can do anything. Don’t take me wrong…just enjoy this moment and make your days colourful and happy, that’s all I wish!

P.S. – Attached is the picture of the lantern I blown to welcome New Year!

Happy New Year, 2016! it will be hell of a adventurous year than previous one.

 

13
Nov
15

Seems, LOve story??

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I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but

suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in

reverse under my breath, ten, nine, eight, seven….

“Chicken Sizzlers for you Ma’am”, said the waiter as he placed a hot-sizzling plate in front of

me and left with a smile.  I took the knife and made a deep cut in the chicken, juices oozed

out, with the fork I put the meat in my mouth and my heart immediately exclaimed

“Heaven!!!”

I closed my eyes in absolute bliss and when I opened, the sizzler plate was empty. I was

satisfied with myself on completing one full sizzler all by myself.

On the other corner of the restaurant, two skinny girls were ogling at me in surprise. I

smiled at them; they got nervous and started nibbling at the food on their plate.

I left the restaurant and came out to the streets. It’s Puja time in Kolkata. The streets are all

glittered and decked in lights. The shops are busy and everywhere there is a buzz of

happiness and excitement.

I was looking through some of the shop windows in the street when a strange thought came

to mind…what if I was also like the other girls…the thought was interrupted by a sweet

smell. Right in the corner of the street I saw the sweet vendor standing, my heart bumped

again…

Age: 21 years, weight: two fat ladies (88 kg), vital stats: unimportant, crush: zero, friends: 2,

that’s me. I am happy. For others I am fat, ugly and dark toned. But to me, I am beautiful

and I enjoy every morsel of life…and it starts with food.

When you love anything, it shows, I love food and my body shows and grows… I am proud

of it. I never wanted to fit in skinny, fair complexioned beautiful categories, where you live,

dress and wear makeup to impress others. I love being me and I believe that one day

somebody will arrive who will love me for my heart more than my figure and complexion.

But sometimes this thought gets disrupted when I see him…

I bought two boxes of Sandesh and started eating one of them. The taste of coconut and

jaggery melted in my mouth and it wiped out everything. I was walking slowly and enjoying

Sandesh, I came home. From outside I smelled mom cooked Fish curry for dinner, my heart

filled with joy again…

As I entered, Dad greeted me with a smile, mom came and asked if I would have dinner, I

exclaimed with joy “Fish… yes yes yes!!” My sister was sitting on the sofa watching

television she looked at me with disgust and looked away. She was unlike me and very

opposite to me in every respect. I went to my room, ignoring her. My life is very simple and

straight. I have a small circle and love very few things, for which I dedicate my life… food,

books, music, movies and another got added recently to my world…

I went to the bathroom and I saw my reflection in the mirror. Since last month, I have

gained at least 2 kg more. At first I felt sad, I look so damn fat and ugly, then I heard

mom’s call for “Dinner”, I forgot everything and rushed down to have my favourite Fish

curry and rice.

After dinner, it’s Me time, which comes only in the night. I think the nights are beautiful as

they help you to see everything clearly. It’s the only time you can be yourself without any

interruption. I took my diary and read my previous journals. All these years I was alone, I

never thought that I could feel something like this. The thought of love brought me smile.

But on the other hand the ugly truth brought me tension, we are no match.

My status in the class is either unnoticed or too much noticed. Girls and boy laughs and

jokes on me, take me as an example, but I don’t care… I know I have a beautiful heart and

therefore I am beautiful. My grand mom always said your heart will reflect your beauty. But

now I am growing consciousness all because of him. I thought to myself, “May be I should

do a little dieting like others… may be then he will notice me!!”

Next day at college, I sat at the last bench (always). From the corner of my eye, I saw him

and my heart skipped a few beats. He was smiling, talking and everyone was enjoying. I

looked at him one more time and then looked away thinking “it is impossible… we are no

match”. Class started my bestie came running, she is better than me at least she is fair and

little less fat. She whispered me something I couldn’t understand. The teacher was

explaining something in the board, but I was unable to concentrate, a thought suddenly

came to my mind, “what if I try to become friends with him…” but which way I should

approach him became a humongous task. Whole day I kept on figuring the ways, at

last when I saw the college notice board, it brought me an idea (which changed my life).

The notice board reads “Need assistance for college group work”. Without wasting much

time, I joined them and took my responsibility. My work was to raise awareness and call

more people to join the group (I don’t know why my leader thought I could do this). I

thought it’s the best chance to approach him. It was my first attempt, I was shaky, nervous

and I had Strawberry pie for lunch on my bestie’s request. He was standing in a group

discussing something and I was at the end of the corridor.

I walked very slowly towards him, counting each step and rehearsing the words in my mind.

When I came near everyone looked at me surprised, (expected reaction). I started my

sentence stammering and in the middle I almost gave up the hope that I could even finish

one sentence. To my great relief, my bestie came and helped me out. He was looking at me

astonished; I bugged my head down in shame… what a fool I made of myself, a joke, he

must be laughing at me. I left the place silently following my friend with teary eyes. My

heart was heavy, but the smell of Fuchkas made me happy. I had stomach full and therefore

a happy heart.

My first encounter with him was terrible and I figured out that after this it would be a

mistake to go to him again. Next day, I sat at my regular place in the classroom.  Everyone

was talking and laughing but nobody noticed me. Sometimes I think, just because I am fat

and ugly nobody ever bothered to know that I could be interesting too. People have become

so predictable; they do and repeat the same thing like others. My thoughts were disturbed

when my bestie gave me a packet of Chips. I tore the packet and was about to take the first

chip, when I saw him approaching towards me. I looked at him and my heart started

pounding so fast that it would burst any moment.

He sat in front of me and was saying something. I was numb and unable to hear or respond.

I was looking at him blankly; my bestie pinched me and brought me back to senses. He was

asking me about the group, with a shaky and sweaty hand, I handed him the pamphlets. He

smiled and said “thanx Ruhina!!” My heart jumped with joy more than my love for Sizzlers,

Fuchka or Chocolate cakes…

I blushed whole time and my mind was flying with my heart. That day I went home and

looked at the mirror and said, “You are beautiful” and with joy, I ate more rice than usual,

had three Sandesh after dinner and went to sleep happy.

With time we exchanged a few glances, sometimes words and I loved it. My diary knows

how much I adored every moment. Those days were my best days and I had more Fuchkas

to prove it. One day we together had Fuchkas. I was surprised to know that he too

loves eating Fuchka. He was sweet and friendly. Suddenly he said “Do you know Ruhina

means sweet fragrance” my eyes widened. Of course I knew, but from his mouth my name

felt much sweeter, I blushed. I kept on blushing that even my mom and dad noticed it. The

days were happy and nights were blissful.

Time passed quickly and 2 years gone in a blink of an eye. It was the last day of our exam

and after that we will be free. Masters complete and now it’s time to move on to a life full

of possibilities. I imagined and dreamt a lot of things for the future. I want to be a

copywriter and I know he will take up management. I have already joined an advertising

agency as a trainee. Exam finished and I came out of the hall, I saw him and his group from a

distant. They were laughing and talking loudly.

It was last day, so I thought I would ask for his phone number. I walked towards him when I

heard someone say “You have to propose her in a traditional way, knee down” I peeped in

the crowd and saw Bidita, the most beautiful girl of our college standing and he was

proposing her, holding hands and knee down, something which I always wanted. My heart

ripped apart and I left the place. I came to the street with teary eyes…

That day I ate more Fuchkas and 2 big Choco-lava cakes to soothe my soul. I realised I have

to live and stay alone all my life.

Time has passed, now I am a copywriter in a respectable agency, but still ugly, fat and

unnoticed. I still eat alone and I started getting used to it. That day I saw him again in the

restaurant. He was not with Bidita but with someone else; I wanted to talk but suppressed

my urge.

Time was running out and maybe I will never see him or get this chance again, but… my love

for him was little less than my love for Chicken Sizzlers. I saw him leave and I started eating

my Sizzler. As I was about to put the first meat piece in my mouth, I heard someone called

my name Ruhina… I looked at him and my heart again skipped a few beats…

22
Jul
15

Newbie in New Delhi

Aankhi finally decided to leave behind her past and come to New-Delhi to give a fresh start. It was hard; still she managed to convince her parents. She knew one job could change her life and that’s why she grabbed whatever came to her. Aankhi knew it won’t be easy to leave everything behind and go to a new place. Still she was determined. She had enough, her sacrifices, love, care and all that she did gone in vain. Her parents thought her she is guilty, her love disowned and disgraced her, even S blamed and insulted her.

She has no reason to stay in Kolkata among people who doesn’t bother about her. Finally after lots of revelry she decided to go New-Delhi. She knew, she is taking a risk but it’s now or never. Everyone she loved, adored and cared left her a scar and nothing more. Now her time has come.

As planned, she started working and preparing for her new life. She left her job, gathered all that she required. And slowly the day arrived. Lot of things needed to be done. A place to live, food, commuting and most importantly adjusting to the new ambience.

It was before a week of her journey, everything is fixed and she has made up her mind and ready to move on. One night she woke up in the middle of sleep. A thought came into her mind she needs closure from her past. But what could she do?? She wasn’t keeping any terms. After much thought, she wrote a big letter to her past. She wrote her heart out, shared every detail and finally she felt relaxed. She knew that this letter of her would end up in trash-bin still she had closure from her side. With that happy thought she went to sleep again.

The next morning a miracle happened, S texted her. She read the message over and over, pinched her to believe is it him?? The one who insulted her for no reason and every time makes her feel unwanted. And what’s this, whenever she wants to grow out of him he arrives at her doorstep. Anyway, she knew herself and like before she surrendered. This time lot of things got cleared, lot of discussions and talks but still S wouldn’t say. He will play, subtly hint and tease but will not say. Aankhi now had enough so she decided she will not pay attention to his words anymore.

The day came she boarded the train with her father for a new journey, New-Delhi. After reaching Delhi she felt that the place is very own to her. She felt warmth, though she knew Delhi is very rude but still she felt something good. S, don’t know why started caring for her. It’s not that she is not enjoying but again thinking that is S playing that dirty game.

Speculations will never end. She stopped thinking about him and went on. Her room-mates are nice people. Soon she will join her job. Everything excited her a lot. Still a feeling of peace and serenity enclosed her. She was content someway. Delhi isn’t that bad, as people told. Already she made quite few friends. Her work place is great. Colleagues, bosses are exact what she thought of. Most interestingly all the way the work she wanted to do, here she can explore her ways. She is happy but happiness doesn’t last long!! S, still plays with her mind and she don’t know why she allows him. still today S expects everything from her but is not ready to give anything to her.

However, Aankhi is now more strong and reformed person, she knows any day she can say S to leave. But she likes her new life in every way and hopes that New-Delhi will treat good to this Bengali Newbie well!!