13
Nov
15

Seems, LOve story??

1331645979759

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but

suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in

reverse under my breath, ten, nine, eight, seven….

“Chicken Sizzlers for you Ma’am”, said the waiter as he placed a hot-sizzling plate in front of

me and left with a smile.  I took the knife and made a deep cut in the chicken, juices oozed

out, with the fork I put the meat in my mouth and my heart immediately exclaimed

“Heaven!!!”

I closed my eyes in absolute bliss and when I opened, the sizzler plate was empty. I was

satisfied with myself on completing one full sizzler all by myself.

On the other corner of the restaurant, two skinny girls were ogling at me in surprise. I

smiled at them; they got nervous and started nibbling at the food on their plate.

I left the restaurant and came out to the streets. It’s Puja time in Kolkata. The streets are all

glittered and decked in lights. The shops are busy and everywhere there is a buzz of

happiness and excitement.

I was looking through some of the shop windows in the street when a strange thought came

to mind…what if I was also like the other girls…the thought was interrupted by a sweet

smell. Right in the corner of the street I saw the sweet vendor standing, my heart bumped

again…

Age: 21 years, weight: two fat ladies (88 kg), vital stats: unimportant, crush: zero, friends: 2,

that’s me. I am happy. For others I am fat, ugly and dark toned. But to me, I am beautiful

and I enjoy every morsel of life…and it starts with food.

When you love anything, it shows, I love food and my body shows and grows… I am proud

of it. I never wanted to fit in skinny, fair complexioned beautiful categories, where you live,

dress and wear makeup to impress others. I love being me and I believe that one day

somebody will arrive who will love me for my heart more than my figure and complexion.

But sometimes this thought gets disrupted when I see him…

I bought two boxes of Sandesh and started eating one of them. The taste of coconut and

jaggery melted in my mouth and it wiped out everything. I was walking slowly and enjoying

Sandesh, I came home. From outside I smelled mom cooked Fish curry for dinner, my heart

filled with joy again…

As I entered, Dad greeted me with a smile, mom came and asked if I would have dinner, I

exclaimed with joy “Fish… yes yes yes!!” My sister was sitting on the sofa watching

television she looked at me with disgust and looked away. She was unlike me and very

opposite to me in every respect. I went to my room, ignoring her. My life is very simple and

straight. I have a small circle and love very few things, for which I dedicate my life… food,

books, music, movies and another got added recently to my world…

I went to the bathroom and I saw my reflection in the mirror. Since last month, I have

gained at least 2 kg more. At first I felt sad, I look so damn fat and ugly, then I heard

mom’s call for “Dinner”, I forgot everything and rushed down to have my favourite Fish

curry and rice.

After dinner, it’s Me time, which comes only in the night. I think the nights are beautiful as

they help you to see everything clearly. It’s the only time you can be yourself without any

interruption. I took my diary and read my previous journals. All these years I was alone, I

never thought that I could feel something like this. The thought of love brought me smile.

But on the other hand the ugly truth brought me tension, we are no match.

My status in the class is either unnoticed or too much noticed. Girls and boy laughs and

jokes on me, take me as an example, but I don’t care… I know I have a beautiful heart and

therefore I am beautiful. My grand mom always said your heart will reflect your beauty. But

now I am growing consciousness all because of him. I thought to myself, “May be I should

do a little dieting like others… may be then he will notice me!!”

Next day at college, I sat at the last bench (always). From the corner of my eye, I saw him

and my heart skipped a few beats. He was smiling, talking and everyone was enjoying. I

looked at him one more time and then looked away thinking “it is impossible… we are no

match”. Class started my bestie came running, she is better than me at least she is fair and

little less fat. She whispered me something I couldn’t understand. The teacher was

explaining something in the board, but I was unable to concentrate, a thought suddenly

came to my mind, “what if I try to become friends with him…” but which way I should

approach him became a humongous task. Whole day I kept on figuring the ways, at

last when I saw the college notice board, it brought me an idea (which changed my life).

The notice board reads “Need assistance for college group work”. Without wasting much

time, I joined them and took my responsibility. My work was to raise awareness and call

more people to join the group (I don’t know why my leader thought I could do this). I

thought it’s the best chance to approach him. It was my first attempt, I was shaky, nervous

and I had Strawberry pie for lunch on my bestie’s request. He was standing in a group

discussing something and I was at the end of the corridor.

I walked very slowly towards him, counting each step and rehearsing the words in my mind.

When I came near everyone looked at me surprised, (expected reaction). I started my

sentence stammering and in the middle I almost gave up the hope that I could even finish

one sentence. To my great relief, my bestie came and helped me out. He was looking at me

astonished; I bugged my head down in shame… what a fool I made of myself, a joke, he

must be laughing at me. I left the place silently following my friend with teary eyes. My

heart was heavy, but the smell of Fuchkas made me happy. I had stomach full and therefore

a happy heart.

My first encounter with him was terrible and I figured out that after this it would be a

mistake to go to him again. Next day, I sat at my regular place in the classroom.  Everyone

was talking and laughing but nobody noticed me. Sometimes I think, just because I am fat

and ugly nobody ever bothered to know that I could be interesting too. People have become

so predictable; they do and repeat the same thing like others. My thoughts were disturbed

when my bestie gave me a packet of Chips. I tore the packet and was about to take the first

chip, when I saw him approaching towards me. I looked at him and my heart started

pounding so fast that it would burst any moment.

He sat in front of me and was saying something. I was numb and unable to hear or respond.

I was looking at him blankly; my bestie pinched me and brought me back to senses. He was

asking me about the group, with a shaky and sweaty hand, I handed him the pamphlets. He

smiled and said “thanx Ruhina!!” My heart jumped with joy more than my love for Sizzlers,

Fuchka or Chocolate cakes…

I blushed whole time and my mind was flying with my heart. That day I went home and

looked at the mirror and said, “You are beautiful” and with joy, I ate more rice than usual,

had three Sandesh after dinner and went to sleep happy.

With time we exchanged a few glances, sometimes words and I loved it. My diary knows

how much I adored every moment. Those days were my best days and I had more Fuchkas

to prove it. One day we together had Fuchkas. I was surprised to know that he too

loves eating Fuchka. He was sweet and friendly. Suddenly he said “Do you know Ruhina

means sweet fragrance” my eyes widened. Of course I knew, but from his mouth my name

felt much sweeter, I blushed. I kept on blushing that even my mom and dad noticed it. The

days were happy and nights were blissful.

Time passed quickly and 2 years gone in a blink of an eye. It was the last day of our exam

and after that we will be free. Masters complete and now it’s time to move on to a life full

of possibilities. I imagined and dreamt a lot of things for the future. I want to be a

copywriter and I know he will take up management. I have already joined an advertising

agency as a trainee. Exam finished and I came out of the hall, I saw him and his group from a

distant. They were laughing and talking loudly.

It was last day, so I thought I would ask for his phone number. I walked towards him when I

heard someone say “You have to propose her in a traditional way, knee down” I peeped in

the crowd and saw Bidita, the most beautiful girl of our college standing and he was

proposing her, holding hands and knee down, something which I always wanted. My heart

ripped apart and I left the place. I came to the street with teary eyes…

That day I ate more Fuchkas and 2 big Choco-lava cakes to soothe my soul. I realised I have

to live and stay alone all my life.

Time has passed, now I am a copywriter in a respectable agency, but still ugly, fat and

unnoticed. I still eat alone and I started getting used to it. That day I saw him again in the

restaurant. He was not with Bidita but with someone else; I wanted to talk but suppressed

my urge.

Time was running out and maybe I will never see him or get this chance again, but… my love

for him was little less than my love for Chicken Sizzlers. I saw him leave and I started eating

my Sizzler. As I was about to put the first meat piece in my mouth, I heard someone called

my name Ruhina… I looked at him and my heart again skipped a few beats…

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