depressed journal #1

It is the story of that day, when I left my job and settled for some good.  For a moment I felt happy, good and free as a bird. But with lingering time I realized I haven’t done a heroic job, rather I lost a good job which provided me a pay check every month for my survival. I argued with myself, how long I will be restrained in some name of creative work. They aren’t any work presentable… but the very next moment the dark part of my conscience spoke …. You are a fool and you have done a foolish job for the sake of doing good. Even the weather pries in my situation and showered vehemently. I came home dull faced, thinking what I should say to my parents…. my feet felt heavy as I was reaching nearer to home. Probably my mother will scream, father will be upset and why not… I lost an opportunity without getting another. I wished my parents don’t have to see my face, I wished for a lone home. As I entered the premises I saw my mother standing at the door, she was surprised to see me so early… I gave her the news. An instant shock and speechlessness… my father was having trouble too utter words. I looked and gave them false assurance saying I have bla..bla… interview. Stashed my bag and sat on my bed thinking now what?…What are the options I have now… for the past six months I have been trying to get jobs but found nothing and now the one which I had… I left for no good. I felt very angry at myself, felt like tearing myself into pieces… one by one everyone left home and I was alone.  I had nothing to do, no work… tried to watch movies felt boring. The music didn’t soothe my ear neither books relaxed me. Darkness has fallen upon me for which I wasn’t prepared. I called a few people and got same answers… now there’s no point of remorse even the rain seemed to mock at me showing its valour. I was a fool… to leave my job… now I am jobless and alone…


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